I have learned a lot during my more-than-20-years on this Earth. I’ve learned that my parents have always been smarter than I am, even though my teenage self would strongly disagree, college is not for the faint of heart, coffee is good but chi tea is better, and I watch entirely too much TV. However, one thing that I have not yet learned is how to express my emotions. Everyone expresses themselves differently. Some people paint, some sing, some punch walls and/or unfortunately people. So what I guess I am trying to say is that there are constructive and destructive ways to recognize and express oneself. A line I am constantly walking.
I have never been one to volunteer my feelings to anyone. In fact, it takes a great effort for me to share something personal with family or close friends, much less a stranger. I know people who have no problem in sharing their feelings. I envy them. I’ve tried the therapist route. I’ve done the sitting on the couch, the talking about my feelings, the techniques, the exercises. Some of them work for me and some do not. While I understand the confidentiality of therapy, there is something discomforting about talking with a stranger, someone I don’t see every day, someone with whom I don’t have a personal relationship.
Learning to recognize patterns of behavior and emotions within myself has gotten easier, but it’s still something that I work at constantly. I am not going to all of a sudden start spewing my feelings left and right. I do not believe I will ever be that kind of person. I can, however, be that kind of person who learns to express herself in ways that show recognition and validation of feelings. Writing has become an outlet for me. It is an avenue for me to share things I cannot say out loud. There are times when I think this may be the coward’s way around real talking, but one thing I have learned is that keeping it in, especially the destructive feelings, will only result in more harm than good.
If you have read my blog in the past year, you have noticed that I have occasionally invited people to write guest entries. I enjoy reading about what others care about; their thoughts and feelings. Everyone always asks what they should write about and I always tell them: whatever you want. The overall theme of this blog when I started it was to share things about myself that I found difficult to talk about. The blog was an outlet and that’s what I also want for my guest writers. This type of writing should be fun. It should not feel like a chore. Through writing I have been able to explore such topics as my race, adopted, friendship, college, who I am professionally, commuting on the metro, and love.
Above I commented above, sometimes I have to battle the idea that writing is the coward’s way out of having a real conversation. While I do use writing to explore the above topics and others, I would hate for someone I love to see a conversation on my blog that should be done in person. Picking and choosing what I write about is also something with which I struggle with. What is important enough that my audience will learn something and what is too important that it would seem insensitive to put on the internet? A fine line indeed.
Writing does not have to be the research papers of college or the cover letters of job applications. Writing can be a meaningful fun outlet for those thoughts and feelings that we deal with every day. Writing is my outlet.
Erica Is A Professional 