He Said, She Said, They Said – First Edition

Do men and women really answer questions differently? That is what we are going to see. Welcome to the first edition to “He Said, She Said, They Said”! Enjoy!

1) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and why.

Boy 1: I’m not a fan of this particular question because it doesn’t serve me in any way to wonder if I could be better if “this or that” was different from the person I currently am. I don’t wish or wonder to be anybody else.  I do my best to be in touch with this person and to learn and develop him in all ways.  Fantasizing about a “better” me, doesn’t get me any closer to personal development.  A short answer I considered giving was that I’m a substance abuser.  It has caused people close to me pain, and it is not a pretty thing about me.  But, I’m a big believer in fate, and faith, and for whatever reason this is a cross I have to bear.  It is something I will struggle with for most likely the entirety of my life, but I feel as though I need to endure that struggle, and that fight. It’s my belief that embracing it will ultimately serve me well in being my best me, and learning the most I can about myself.

Girl 1: If I could change one thing about myself I would give myself more self-confidence and the knowledge that I can do the things that I doubt myself about. Many people believe a lot more in me than I actually do and if I could just get past that point the things I am capable of will be easier to achieve and go past.

Boy 2: I would like to be taller. I mean: really, I’m not short… but everyone else seems to be taller than me. Though it’s nice to be able to crawl into small spaces and be able to touch my toes… not that tall people can’t touch their toes… To be honest though, I would love the ability to lie to people. I simply can’t bring myself to do that. It’s easier to tell people they’ll be fine when you know they’re not going to be fine… it’ll make them feel better. But instead I have to be brutally honest… because it’s what I would want from someone else.

Girl 2: If I could change one thing about myself, it would be my insecurity of my body image. It’s affected me ever since I was a kid, and I know it will affect me the rest of my life. I wish that I could be more comfortable dressing up and making myself look nice and try new things without constantly being self-conscious and thinking that I’m ugly or that I’m trying too hard. It just sucks that I can’t be comfortable in my own skin because of what others might think of me.

2) What do you look for in a friend? Significant other? Colleague?

Boy 1:  Sincerity.  I like people, all different kinds, so people who have identified at least a general understanding of who they are, and own that, are the people I’m attracted to.

Girl 1: I look for someone who I can depend on, a person who can make me laugh and smile, but still can put my ass in line when I need it to be. Most of my friends and I share the same horrible inappropriate humor, but when serious things come up I know they will be there to back me up. Also, friends that will go out of their way to do something or come to event that they know means a lot to you and are your number one support system no matter what it is or regardless of the outcome.

Boy 2: Loyalty. It’s cool. Let’s be honest, I have had people betray me in my life and do horrible, horrible things. But at the end of the day you learn that the ones who are loyal to you are friends. I’m talking about the people who will stand by you no matter what. You remember the time you yelled at all of your friends even though they were right and you were completely wrong… yeah, they’re still friends. Or the people who will drive over to your house in the middle of the night because something’s happened… those are friends… even with all of your flaws. I also look for a sense of humor. If you’re going to date me you have to take a joke and accept that laughter is the only way we are going to get through things together. And finally honesty. If you’re going to work with me, I need you to tell me I’m being stupid or overstepping. Don’t give me optics conversations about hierarchy and crap… tell me if I am doing a great job with my work and give that feedback. And you have to be able to take a joke.

Girl 2: The most important thing I look for in friends is a sense of humor. I love joking around and being immature when I can, so a friend of mine should be comfortable with that too. I don’t want to be embarrassing by myself, that’s no fun. But sense of humor also blends into a bunch of other traits. In my experience, people who have a great sense of humor tend to be more caring and understanding, They are also the more emotional people, because having the ability to laugh also makes for the ability to cry, to be angry, to be happy. That’s what being a friend is all about, sharing emotions and experiences.

3) If you could give 3 pieces of advice to a graduating college student what would it be?

Boy 1:  Take chances, get your work done, don’t waste time doing anything you don’t want to do (besides the necessities) because these 4 years go quick.

Girl 1: If I could give 3 pieces of advice to a graduating college student they would be:

• Don’t fret about not having a job in your field right after graduation. These things will come, but it also may take some time just keeping looking and don’t get down on yourself about it. Someone will love to have you as an employee one day.

• Be yourself. Don’t change who you are just to seem like a better fit for a job at a company. At the end of the day both you and the company may regret it.

• Don’t ever stop chasing your dreams. Just because you have graduated and are considered an “adult” doesn’t mean that you can’t still go and do things you have always dreamed of. Travel the world; try new things the world is still at your fingertips even once you leave school.

Boy 2: Accept that the real world is not going to see your talent and they will beat you up and kick you down. It’s true. Forget the leadership you did in college, it’s only going to help you personally and your self-confidence. You have to remember that your employer is already biased against you simply because you’re a millennial and they read TIME Magazine. Accept it now so you don’t get crushed later.

Health and Fitness are key. If you’re not healthy, then you won’t be happy.

There are consequences to our actions. Serious ones. This isn’t college. Life has a permanent record and it’s brutal and nasty. But remember… the harder you work the more results you’ll see.

Girl 2: Well, seeing as I’m an upcoming graduating college student, I think my advice might be different than others. But here it goes.

• It’s not the beginning of the end: A lot of people that I’ve talked to that have or are graduating from college freak out because they think their fun life is ending and now they have to go into the real world. The fun doesn’t end when college ends. Make time for fun. Of course, jobs and such are important, but don’t forget that having a bit of down time and fun is just as important for a healthy life.

• Apply, apply, apply: If you’re worried about getting a job in this crap that we call an economy, don’t be picky about jobs. If there’s an opening, apply for it. Even if it isn’t the most glamorous or well-paid position, it’s a job. Make the moolah. And then while you’re doing that, apply for more jobs. It may take awhile, but eventually you will find something that you think is a dream job and land it.

• Don’t forget your family: You’re family can and usually is your biggest support group, even though sometimes it may not feel like it. Don’t be afraid to call mom or dad when you’re feeling overwhelmed or alone. They love you and are there for you when no one else is.

4) If you only could eat one thing for the rest of your life, ignoring the health implications, what would it be and why?

Boy 1:  Lobster, I like it. Always have.

Girl 1:  I would eat macaroni and cheese for the rest of my life. The dish is just such a good comfort food and it combines my two favorite foods and weaknesses, diary and carbohydrates. Also, it can be served with so many additions to it and in different forms. Even though it is probably one of the unhealthiest foods you could consume, it always makes me happy when I do have some.

Boy 2: Costco Pizza. Let’s be honest, it’s pretty yummy. Though my mom makes some pretty ballin’ Mac and Cheese. Add bacon and we are good.

Girl 2: My one weakness in life is Oreos. Any kind, anytime, anywhere.

5) What would you do if you knew you would not fail?

Boy 1:  I dunno…end world hunger, cure cancer, find the woman of my dreams and make her as happy as I could, be President, meet God, make a ton of money, be a professional athlete in all sports, eat lobster all the time…but then it’s not even fun. What is the point if you know you got it?  You didn’t have to work THAT hard-because at the end of the day you know you’re gonna get what you want, you didn’t overcome anything, you didn’t compete and beat anyone, you feared nothing, you faced zero adversity in doing this thing you wanted to do, so did you really do anything?  Great things are born out of failure.  The greatest people this world has known have inevitably endured a degree of pain or faced odds that 99.9% of the world could not, and that’s what made them great.  So that would actually suck to know that you can’t fail at the one thing you want to do.

Girl 1:  If I knew that I would not fail, I would pursue a masters or doctorate in either forensic anthropology or bio-terrorism while also aggressively working on becoming a competitive Olympic weightlifter.

Boy 2: Get Married.

Let’s be honest… I’ve got trust issues. And that’s okay. But making a commitment to someone and being there for them 100% can lead you to step over the line. Once you’re over the line there is so much you can’t take back. As a friend told me once… divorce feels like failure. Going into a relationship you have to know in the back of your mind that at some point there is a chance that it will end… you have to ask yourself, would you rather be friends with them for life… or never talk to them again when it’s over.

Girl 2: My littlest brother has mild Autism, so I think my goal would be to find a cure. It affects so many children and families. The expenses are outrageous for testing and therapy that it leaves many families bankrupt. Society is just starting to understand what Autism is, and the negative feelings towards these children by the general population are really astounding and sad. I want these children to have a “normal” life, where they don’t feel social anxieties and sensitivities to sound and light. Where they can go to school and not worry about being called stupid or a baby (it’s happened to my brother before, sadly). I just want them to have an equal opportunity at a great and beautiful life.

 

To my four fantastic subjects, thank you so much for helping a girl out. Your answers were amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed reading them. Just an observation, I thought it was funny how the boys sent me their answers one way and the girls another way….interesting…

Guest Writer – Mean Girls: A Girl’s Guide To What Not To Say

“When is it acceptable to beat a woman unconscious?” was a question I never thought I would be asking. But here I am asking that exact question and looking for an answer from another women.

It was a Saturday night at a Dave Matthews concert when it happened. It happened when I struck up a conversation with the couple sitting next to me before the band started their first set. The man next to me had a large Baltimore Ravens seal tattooed on his calf. Being the forward person that I am and not afraid of awkward situations, I asked him what he thought of the whole Ray Rice controversy that is going on right now. Instantly, I got the answer from the woman sitting next to him; “Whatever she did, she probably deserved it” she said. I was taken aback by her instant response. As I sat there watching the lights go down and listening to the band started to play, I was stunned. I found myself thinking about how awful women treat and judge other women and how we are not going to get anywhere until we gain more of a respect for us as a gender and as people.

Women look at other women and instantly judge them. We label women with harsh words such as slut or whore. We categorize her as trashy all based on the way she is acting, speaking or dressed. Snap judgments based on not knowing anything about her. Women have a tendency to pass judgments and think that we are better than someone else just based purely on superficial things such as hair, breast size, and weight. How are we supposed to gain respect and equality in society when most of the time women disrespect each other? Are we not supposed to unite as a gender to fight for our rights as women?

Humans have a tendency to put themselves into groups and women are no different. Instead of being united, we split into small groups. Everyone who thinks they are better than the women next to them because you are [insert dividend here], go stand over there. By doing this, we perpetrate this idea that some of us deserve less respect and are viewed with less respect. Have men learned this behavior for us? Have we taught men that it is okay to not treat women equally? Is it then okay to beat your wife? I mean, according to the NFL the punishment for beating a woman to near unconsciousness is only a two game suspension. But do not even think about stomping on other players’ head during a game that will get you suspended for five games. Thank you, NFL for…well nothing. Again, here was an example of the NFL coming up short during a critical 2 minute play.

People on the internet sometimes make excuses for rape perpetrators. In what world is it okay to rape a woman, because, I mean, did you see the way she was dressed? That dress just begged to be taken off. You, could totally tell she was asking for it. Thanks general public. In what world is it okay to sexually assault a woman, video tape it and then post it for all to see?  After which you will only be banned from campus AFTER you graduate. Thanks James Madison University.  In what world is it okay for today’s government to create laws that will take away our rights as women, rights that we already fought for and won decades ago? Thanks government.  In what world it is okay to invest 401K funds in companies that create reproductive medication but then not have to offer this same medicine to your employees because of religious reasons. Thanks Supreme Court. In what world? Ours. How can we expect society have to treat women equally if we do not treat ourselves equally?

We need to stop the judgments. I do not pretend to be perfect. I am guilty of this judgment, almost all women are. Judgments however, are not getting us anywhere. We cut other women down because of the way they dress, act, and speak. It has to stop. We have to unite and fight because we are women and human beings. We can no longer afford to judge each other and separate each other into categories. We must instead unite as a gender and fight for our rights lest we continue to be viewed as the lesser gender which I think we can all agree is not true. We are many things. Strong, intelligent, and the bearers of children to name a few.  We must make it perfectly clear and insist that men and society treat us thus. We will not accept anything less.

It’s time we stand up united, so that I will never have to ask another woman, “When is it acceptable to beat a woman unconscious?”

 

The female writer would like everyone to know that the Dave Matthews concert was still fantastic none the less. She advises that you should all go see him in concert as soon as possible.