A piece of advice that I heard this weekend has stuck with me. I do not remember the exact wording but it essentially said that in your mind you should talk to yourself as if you were talking to a friend. At first I thought, I am never mean to myself. Not ten minutes later I was getting dressed and when I caught myself in the mirror I remember chiding myself for my weight, calling myself fat. That was when I realized it. I was being mean to myself without even realizing it. As much as I wanted to believe that I never mean to myself I was, and often. I would never call a stranger much less a friend fat so why was it OK that I was telling myself it? I was in a dilemma after that.
I know that I am not a size 6 and I categorize myself as a plus size woman. So when do I cross the line from recognition of my shape to degrading it? I also find myself always comparing myself to other women without even thinking twice about it. I’ll see a handsome man on the train and think “he’s cute.” Then, as if fate has a nasty sense of humor, a beautiful blonde woman with perfect white skin will get on the train. I immediately think, “Oh well I’m not a blond, blue-eyed, Caucasian women . I could not possible compete with her.” In my mind the race is over and has already been won by the skinny perfect women next to me so I why even try. My inner mean girl is bullying me into giving up. Without knowing anything about either of them personally, my inner mean girl convinces me that they would make a more aesthetically appealing couple so I should not even try. I mean who could want an overweight black girl with a face full of scars from puberty and hair that is not straight and shiny and blond and on and on and…you get my point.
After hearing this quote all I could think about these instance was, that is so mean. I would NEVER say something like that to a friend. I would never compare her to someone I did not know. As far as I am concerned any man would be lucky to date and fall in love with one of my friends. Why should I not want the same for myself?
While my inner mean girl is not as effectual as she use to be she still is, well, quite mean. Not letting her dictated my behavior and put me down is going to be a lifelong struggle but I am going to work to advocate for myself against one of the harshest critic of all. I am one of my best friends and I am going to actively start treating myself as such.
Erica Is A Professional 