I have never had much luck with men romantically. I have always had guy friends that is not the problem. The problem has always been my midsection. It gets in the way. Literally. However, recently I have gotten smaller and well as you can probably expect I am feeling pretty damn good about myself. Confidence has never been higher. Add the fact that I am taking better care of myself all around ,a working professional not just a college student, and you basically have a whole new me. So I guess my question is…how do fat girls date? I understand that I am still not the skinniest person alive and have a long way to go but when I look down do not see stomach the feeling I get makes me wanna kiss someone.
Life is not like the movies. I know that an adorable, charming man is not just going to walk up to me and strike up a conversation and after a whirlwind romance we are going to live happily ever after. Since that is not going to happen that means I have to do something. So, how do you find the happy middle between wanting to just take a small nap on the commute home and talking to the guy next to you without sounding like a stupid teenager? I have read all the articles about dating and love and they all make dating sound, well, hard. I mean who has the time, inclination, or confidence to just you know put yourself out there or spend an evening making small talk with someone. Now I do have friends who would say, “but Erica, you have said to me before, the worst thing they could say is no.” True but when there is an expletive or a laugh in front of it suddenly dating sounds horrible and unnecessary.
There is this guy. He is in my office and he is so cute. He is nice and charming and I can talk to him and I wanna ask him out but what if he has a girlfriend? Or is not interested? Or rejects me? Then I have to see him at work and make awkward small talk…OK the more I talk about this the worse an idea it seems. Nix that. See what I mean?! I am completely useless to myself. When I was 75 pounds heavier I always resigned myself to the idea that I would never find anyone. I would never get married, date, or have children. I would forever be the cool aunt to my friend’s children. OK before you start getting all emotional for me I can assure you, I was ok with it. Truly. However, as us women are prone to do, I have changed my mind. Maybe there is someone out there for me. Now, if the cosmos could just send him to me by express mail that would be greatly appreciated.
If anyone could offer me advice other than a Nike slogan* I would be grateful. I have realized that when I saw guys just a friends it made life so much easier. There was no babbling, no awkwardness, no thinking. When I thought there was no way they would ever be interested I could make the small talk like a boss. Losing weight has broken me and fixing me is taking longer than I thought.
*Just Do It
Erica Is A Professional 