Guest Writer: Life Lessons From Star Trek TNG

I’ve recently been re-watching Star Trek: The Next Generation and am continuously impressed by the themes and topics the TV show covers.  In “The Outcast” (season 5), the Enterprise assists a species that no longer has gender, but now and then, someone is born that associates more with female or male. These people are bullied and abused until the authorities take them away to undergo psycho-therapy to “fix” them. This episode aired in March of 1992. The sentiments expressed are very much a reflection upon those who would oppress the gender identity of individuals today, 23 years later. Of course, I’m talking about the LGBT community. When will the archaic thoughts and treatment of people who are different stop resulting from fear? When will it become the norm and commonplace to treat everyone from a place of understanding, kindness, and compassion?

In the episode, Soren, a member of this genderless race identifies as female, falls in love with Riker, but is then discovered by the authorities and put on trial for perversion. She makes an impassioned plea for those with gender identities:

“I am female. I was born that way. I have had those feelings, those longings all of my life. It is not unnatural. I am not sick because I feel this way. I do not need to be helped, I do not need to be cured. What I need, and what all of those who are like me need, is your understanding, and your compassion. We have not injured you in any way; and yet, we are scorned and attacked all because we are different. What we do is no different from what you do. We talk and laugh. We complain about work and we wonder about growing old. We talk about our families and we worry about the future, and we cry with each other when things seem hopeless. All of the loving things that you do with each other, that is what we do. And for that we are called ‘misfits’ and ‘deviants’ and ‘criminals’. What right do you have to punish us? What right do you have to change us? What makes you think you can dictate how people love each other?”

The response of the tribunal:

“After [this] diatribe you must think we are a cruel and oppressive people. Nothing could be further from the truth…We’re concerned about our citizens and we take our obligations seriously. Soren is sick and sick people want to get well. We have a very high success rate in treating deviants like this and without exception they become happier people after their treatment, and grateful that we care enough to cure them. You see, on this world, everyone wants to be normal.”

Sound familiar? I look forward to the day when it doesn’t.

Lara is one of Erica’s oldest friends who constantly seeks to balance the mind, heart, and spirit to not only make herself a better person, but to positively impact the lives of those around her. She and Erica hope that one day, everyone will be treated with compassion and kindness based on the quality of their character.

Internet Advertising or How Pandora Is Trying To Get My Pregnant

Internet advertising is getting ridiculous. I go to one website about Halloween costumes and suddenly my Facebook feed, Google searches, and pop up ads are all postulated with websites on which I can get costumes. While I can appreciated the sexy Shrek costumes (yes they exist) I do not like the idea that search engines are keeping track of what I am searching and making recommendations. I will admit that sometimes it is helpful. When I am actually searching for clothes, I have liked that I find new websites at which I can buy clothes but when I accidentally head to a website that sells both women’ and children’s clothing and Pandora thinks that I should get pregnant, I draw the line. I listen to Pandora every day at work because it has a wider music selection. I started noticing that Pandora thought I should get pregnant when one day I head the same four ads for the entire day. there may have been one or two others thrown in here or there but it was basically a repeat of these same five ads all of which had to do with children and/or pregnancy in some way.

The ads were on,

1) pregnancy tests;

2) birthing suites at local hospitals;

3) children’s toys,

4) and finally, IVF treatments.

 

At first I couldn’t understand why Pandora was giving me these ads. I had not googled anything close to this! Then I remembered, I had liked a website, on Facebook, that sold women’s clothing but also sold children’s clothing. I was in shock when I remembered this. I mean I had liked it after viewing a few of the women’s clothes. I was barely on the website twenty minutes. However, that one like and visit, were noticed by Facebook and because my Facebook account is connected to my Pandora account it seemed that infer that I was pregnant or soon to be. I have since started noticing that this happens A LOT with the other websites I visit if my Facebook is connected to them. I have always loved shoes. I online window shop for shoes, so a lot of the ads that pop up or are streamed on Pandora have been shoes. I had never really noticed before because well, I love shoes. They were just the normal, annoying ads that come along with going on the internet. I have been told to be careful about what I put on the internet but I never thought it would get down to what I like on Facebook. It’s amazing how a simple act can spiral out of control…or in this case try to get my pregnant.

 

 

 

Guest Writer: The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of…German?

As a flood of emotions hit me all I could think to myself was “What the hell did you get yourself into Ashley?”  Just over a month ago I stepped off a plane halfway across the world from where I call home. I was expecting fear, uncertainty, and the desire to want to hop right back on the plane and head back to the States to set in, but it never did. Excitement took over. And as I quickly retrieved my luggage and found my host family I found my excitement growing. I’m not going to lie, it was weird at first to meet the family I would be staying with for a year, but I put on a smile and greeted them with open arms and got ready for the first moments of the next 12 months of my life. 

Upon meeting the family, I was rushed home and quickly shown around the neighborhood by the children. At first glance, Austria was nothing like I expected. I was expecting scenes from The Sound of Music…breathtaking mountain views and cute little towns…but the more I looked around the more I just saw a cleaner, quieter version of Washington, D.C.  After a couple of days of getting over jetlag, I started to adventure on my own around Vienna.

For starters the public transport system here in Austria would put Americas to shame. I am proud to say that even with my minimal knowledge of German and the public transport system being in all German, I have managed not to get lost yet…knock on wood. As a “carboholic” one of the best things about Vienna is that there are bread shops on every corner. It’s like I’m in heaven, if heaven consisted of bread on bread on bread.  The only difficult part is having to order food in German…but thank God hand signs are universal.

This leads to my next big adjustment, the fact that everyone around me is speaking German. When I first moved here, I could easily be mistaken for a tourist, carrying my map around everywhere with me. The worst part about the first couple of weeks was the fact that my phone didn’t work, leaving me heavily dependent on my map and coordination skills, which lord help us all. Thankfully after two weeks I ditched the map and received an Austrian number and phone service, which allowed me to keep in touch with my friends over WhatsApp (thank the lord for whoever created this app.). This whole 6-hour time difference has made it somewhat of a challenge keeping in-touch with my friends but it’s worth the effort.  I will admit it’s weird that when I’m waking up at 6 am most of my friends are just going to bed and when my day is practically over with their day is just beginning.

It’s great being able to keep in touch with my friends from the States but it’s also great meeting new friends and travel buddies here in Austria. Most of my friends are other au-pairs because of our work schedules. Recently my friend Holly and I went and experienced the true Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany. Oktoberfest was amazing and even though we both do not like beer and some of my friends…cough Erica cough…thought this experience was a waste because we don’t like beer, I disagree! Inside Oktoberfest there were multiple tents and acarnival like atmosphere with roller coasters and games everywhere. We were lucky enough to get into the main tent, where the first keg was tapped for the day at 9am. The whole experience was amazing and one not to miss. This coming week we get to experience Oktoberfest, this time here in Vienna. I do have to say however, if you ever have the chance to travel to Munich for Oktoberfest, GO! You won’t regret it!

Overall it has been challenging adapting to a new environment halfway around the world, but I know that every difficult time will lead to something amazing. Before I moved to Austria, I wasn’t myself and I hadn’t been for about a year or so. I was constantly faking a smile and forcing myself to be social. Stress and school consumed my life and some pretty great friendships were lost through this long ordeal. I knew that I needed a change in my life, something that would make me forget about everything and just enjoy my surroundings. I will admit that moving to Austria was a spur of the moment choice but I believe it was the right thing to do. Although the past year was tough, I regret nothing that occurred. I appreciate all that I went through and havelearned loads from it.  After living in Austria for about a month I no longer have to fake a smile. I truly enjoy my surroundings and the ability to travel anywhere in Europe. I’m extremely lucky to have this opportunity to live in Austria and literally get paid to travel around Europe for a year.   The only major setback is that there’s no Reese’s in Austria…..which is currently killing me.  Well, time to go back to “work” Tschüss!!

 

Ashley is one of my dearest friends and was briefly my roommate in college. Between fights, close quarters, and having steadfast determination I believe we have cultivated a relationship that will stand the test of time which is why I was so sad when she LEFT ME! Also that last word in the post is goodbye in German and yes I had to use Google Translate to find that out.

 

Guest Writer: Who Said I Was An Adult?! I Want Names!

It seems as though everyone and their mother (and grandmother and grandfather and second and third cousins) is writing articles on what it means to be a twenty-something.  As though the decade where you hit many major life rites of passage can be described in a twenty-something list of .gifs, vines and memes.  I have chuckled at and shared many of these articles.  I watch old episodes of Friends and think “I’m just like these people,” searching for the funniest BuzzFeed I can find comparing myself to Chandler (As of course I am a Chandler).  I am practically screaming at the top of my internet lungs that I was born in the 1990s and remember all of these pre-internet things.  While this is all superficial and fun games I can’t help but wonder has the internet age of sharing created the more malicious implication of these posts—the urge to be an “adult?”

Every single time (EVERY. SINGLE. TIME) I get together for drinks/workouts/dinner with a friend the topic of marriage and babies comes up.  The dialogue usually involves something along the lines of “Did you see so-and-so procreate/got married?”  It then quickly turns into either a “they are the last people on earth who should be trusted with another human life,” or a “what-the-actual-explicative is wrong with me?”  It’s as though the constant updates from people who in the past I wouldn’t have given a second thought after graduation has created a form of self-doubt that psychologists will study in the future and mark as the moment humanity collectively lost its mind.  I spend an inordinate amount of time reminding myself that I shouldn’t be jealous that Kathy bought a house, I don’t even know where I want to live yet! (Related: I’m 24 years old—I shouldn’t be buying a house!)

When did everyone come to the decision that they wanted to grow up so fast?  I relate to the characters on Friends and they’re in their late 20s when the show BEGINS.  This means that they are a decade ahead of me in years but I have this unrealistic expectation that I too should be knee-deep in my career and family life.  I shouldn’t.  I am not.  I am not and I shouldn’t be.  I am exactly where I should be in life.  I graduated college and went on to a Master’s program right away.  I acted as a Teaching Assistant and had the weirdest experience of having to be an authority figure to people who were just like I was 3 months prior.  I thought back to my experience with Teaching Assistants my freshman year of college at the University of Nebraska before I transferred to a university where all my professors had their doctorate in what they taught (Thanks for being worth my money, Mary Washington!).  The TAs always were either ridiculously hard or so laid back and awesome.  Which one they were differed based upon whether they saw themselves as an “adult” or not.

I didn’t understand it at the time, but it was either acceptance of the weirdness of their situation or overcompensation. The hard TAs were basically saying, “I feel insecure in my position of authority over you so I’m going to ruin your life,” or I imagine that was what it was anyway.  I spent so much time trying to be “professional” that I think I was actually unavailable to the students—which is the exact opposite of what an educator should do.  Then I became a tutor for the athletic department and in my first semester was so formal in my correspondence that I ended up having a lot of students stand me up (which isn’t as bad as it sounds because I still got paid!).  The second semester I realized that if I texted them instead of emailed them they might actually show up, listen to me and learn, because guess what—just like me they were twenty-something’s who are attached to their phone like it’s a good luck charm.  Once I stopped trying to be an “adult,” I actually was able to do my job.

This isn’t to say that I didn’t make mistakes along the way, because I did.  There’s a great story about one of the students I tutored giving me his post-game Gatorade because I ran into him after I had personally drank a gallon of alcohol.  All this means is that I shouldn’t have tried so hard to fit into this definition of what it means to be an “adult.”  I don’t know what an adult is, honestly.  But if it means having a home-loan and babies and husbands at the young age of 24 then I never want to grow up.  I barely know who I am.  I eat candy for breakfast sometimes.  I stay up until 3 A.M. for no reason.  These are not things that adults do but they are things that I am supposed to be doing.  I work a crappy job for crappy pay and have not yet reached my goal of becoming a Men’s College Basketball coach and that is entirely okay.  If being married and having kids is what you want to be doing at 24, then do it.  If it’s not, just remember Chandler and Monica were in their 30s before they got married and half of marriages end in divorce.

Sara is a currently working a crappy job for crappy pay in Virginia. Some of my fondest memories are hanging out with her during our college years. When she does decide to become an adult the world better watch out cause she is going to take it by storm.

Baby Later

I am going to say the one thing that makes people very nervous: I  do not want children. I enjoy kids in small doses but settling in for a lifetime of tantrums, fighting, parent teacher conferences, and debt, seems unnecessary and unhappy. Yes, parents will tell you that there are moments that make it all worth it but as a former child I think I can say with authority, there will need to be a hell of a lot more to  make up for the shit my brothers and I put my parents through.

I know I am  in the minority and I know that it would be really easy to say that I haven’t met the right person or I will change my mind but as my friends know, I really do not like children. I get along better and prefer adults. Babies are needy, toddlers move faster than I am willing to, I actually enjoy children between the ages of 4-10, pre-teens are too much like teenagers and teenagers are…well…teenagers. I have noticed that once a teenager hits 20 I suddenly like them. Maybe cause I have flash backs to some horrible times I had with fellow teenagers in middle and high school and am so not willing to deal with their drama.

Since moving back from college I have been able to see and understand better not only how hard it is to be a parent but the cost of being a parent. I mean having one kid must be hard but then there are families that do it multiply times?! I had to babysit these two little girls one day from about 3 pm until about midnight. So we spent the day outside playing and by the time they went to bed at 8:30/9 I was exhausted. I had to take the entire next day just to recuperate. I realized that my mother did that as well. The mere thought of doing it as a single parent just gives me nightmares. I thought, I can’t imagine this day in and day out. They were also on their best behavior with me which I KNOW is not always the case. I mean are those amazing moments worth all the work. I hate to say it but from my vantage point it’s not. I respect anyone who decides  to have a family but I do no think it is for me.

So will this change? Maybe. Can I reserve the right to change my mind? Yes.  Am I completely satisfied with my decision as of now? Absolutely.

World Hunger…Unacceptable

During my freshman year of college during the spring semester I took a class on political communication. I loved it!! I also created a video about world hunger because the assignment was to create a piece of communication that could be used in a campaign against or for something of your choosing. I chose world hunger because as a big girl it is pretty obvious I love food (maybe a little bit too much sometimes) so I thought I would do a video on people who don’t have nearly enough food to survive. I believe that no child should go hungry so I created a video called World Hunger Awareness to get the word out. The music is Nickleback –If Everyone Cared. I thought that it fit perfectly with the message I was trying to convey. Everyone should be passionate about something and my something is helping people. What’s yours?

Survivor

I am a survivor of (fill in the blank).

I saw a post in FCAA’s group page that said “We are survivors, and survive we did,” posted by a fellow alum. I was struck at the realization I am. A survivor of foster care. Now, I wasn’t in foster care as long as others but I would say it is similar to being a survivor of anything else. You have lost something that you have to desperately hang on to even though it is being ripped away from you. Staying positive and surrounding yourself with people who you know will be there on your journey is something that is essential. I have been fortunate enough to have some of the best friends in the world. I was also blessed with a family that a girl could have only dreamed of. Flesh and blood people who help me when I ask for (and sometimes when I don’t), pick me up when I am down, give advice whether its wanted or not, and always have my back.

I am a survivor.

Internships 101

Interning is a delicate art of presenting yourself in the best light so that employers will not only think you will be an asset to their company but you will learn skill that will help you be a perspective member of society. Knowing how to write a resume, cover letter, and a reference sheet are vital in securing a kick butt internship.

I have had 3 internships since the summer that I graduated high school. Foster Care Alumni of America is the third and so far has been one of the most amazing. Not just learning how a nonprofit runs but how to use social media to drive traffic to your organization and the wonderful work they are doing. I love it. Last summer I was an intern with Fairfax County Government in the Office to Prevent and End Homelessness (OPEH) . My aunt works for the county and she asked the department director if he knew of any nonprofits that needed an intern for the summer and he said that OPEH needed one. My first internship was with National Rural Telecommunications Cooperation (NRTC). I was working in the legal and finance departments. In Upstairs, Downstairs I talked about the dynamics that are present in a for-profit organization. It was eye-opening.

Getting a good internship (in my experience) means you have to do your research and gather your materials. Know what you are applying for and make sure all your materials show the employer that you are the best for that particular internship. Double check all your materials before you send them to the intended party. It is fine to have a template for your résumé and cover letter but make sure you change and/or add things before you send it. It makes them more personal.

Apply to a lot of internships. If you pin your hopes one just one you will most likely get burned. However, do not get discouraged if you cannot snag an internship for the summer. There is always next summer and even the spring and fall if your college or university allows that. Make sure to check out the internship policy from your school. If you do an internship that does not pay see if you can get credits through your school. Advocate for yourself, you will be working 40 hours maybe more for this company while gathering valuable skills, you should get something out of the internship be it money or credits.

When it comes to resumes and cover letters, look up formats online or ask for help in your schools career center. It will help, I promise. They will help you with “packaging” which is half of the battle of getting an internship.

One mistake that I did when first looking for internships was applying to everything I saw. You have to really want to do the internship and learn from the people you will be working with. DO NOT apply for an internship that you will be bored with. Not only does that do the company a disservice but you could be taking an internship from another one of your peers who has a genuine interesting in that subject. However, that being said apply to as many internships as you can that you will help you excel. This will give you a better chance at finding the best internship for you.

This past summer I applied to an internship that I really wanted. Thankfully I got a call to schedule an interview (which I will talk about in a minute). It went well and they said they would email me with their decision. I knew I had a great chance at getting this internship so I stopped apply to others which is a no-no as I said above. It turned out I did not get the internship ( I was their second choice and would call me if the person they had chosen couldn’t do it). Well, at first I was angry, than sad, then I panicked. This had been my #1 choice and I had been rejected (coming in second really does suck!). And the worst thing about this was that I had pined my hopes on this one internship. Now I am really panicked. But, I pulled myself together (after a call to the parental units), and started applying for others. If I had not gotten rejected from that first internship I would not have made my way to Foster Care Alumni of America, which I love!!

After you have applied to an internship and they have responded to your application they may ask to schedule an interview. I had to do mine for FCAA over the phone because I was at school but if you can do an interview in person, do it in person. You get to leave an impression that would otherwise be lost over the phone.

A great resume, a kick butt cover letter, and awesome references are some of the weapons that will help you to get an amazing internship. The rest is up to you. Comment if you would like to add, know of any good websites that help with the things talked about in the post, or need advice.

Best Friends: Pam and Lara

I had asked some friends on Facebook what I should write about and one of them suggested herself. Well, I thought well I could do one about best friends? She was a little disappointed I didn’t do an entire blog post about her but she said that I had to give her a huge paragraph. Well I am going to tell you about two friends of mine today.

Pam was one of my first friends when I started at the University of Mary Washington. She was funny, outgoing and loved basketball as much as I did.  We met and bonded in chemistry class over not understanding and our mutual dislike for our teacher. We were across from each other in our chemistry groups and it was easy to see that Pam had a brilliant mind. We really became friends when she and I would hang out during second semester when she decided that college parties were fun sometimes but not all the time. I am not much of a partier and while I do go out once and a while I would just as well stay in and do dinner and a movie.  I think our fate of being friends for year to come was sealed during Easter of my freshman year. Pam and I had hung out a couple times but we weren’t facebooking all the time as we do now. My parents had their 20^th wedding anniversary and for this momentous occasion they treated themselves to a week in Paris. As it happened Easter happened to be the Sunday they got back and so for the first time since I was adopted I would not be spending Easter with my family, so Pam asked me to join her and her family for Easter. Many of my best friends had this moment when I knew that we were going to be friends of life and this was Pam’s moment. I foresee Pam being in my wedding and me in hers, spoiling her children and traveling to China to get her a panda. Love you Pam-la!

Lara is a friend I met in high school. We were in theatre class. Our teacher constantly confused her and another girl who became a good friend, Veronica (more about her later).  Lara is by far one of the smartest people I know. I pretend to keep up with her when she talks to me but honestly most of the time I am lost. She wants to be an astronaut. Lara and I seemed to bond over a common love of books, particularly Jane Austen. She is, by my standards, way to smart and mature to hang out with the likes of me but we always seem to have fun. I have visited her at her college and both times I had a lot of fun. She really is one of the smartest people I know, studying to be a mechanical engineer at one of the top colleges in the nation for mechanical engineers. I also got to meet some of her friends from school when I visited and they could not have been a nice bunch of people. She is one of the friends from high school that I know I will be friends with for the rest of my life. She is stuck with me! You’re amazing Lara!!

Late Night: 11 PM

So once again its time for bed. Finishing a bowl of ice cream and reading a Nora Roberts romance novel after a hard days work. Mom and Dad are downstairs in their respective studies, Tevin ( I believe is asleep) and Ray is on the computer (which is not new). Actually this seems to be the O’Brien household at 11 pm during the summer. Its dark in the house except the one kitchen light that has been left on by Ray and the light creeping under the space of Mom’s study door. My room is a mess, there are books everywhere on my bed and I am in my jammies.

I would love to say that it is quiet in our house but even though we are all in different room somehow we are making a ruckus. Five different people living under the same roof. If we were all college students we would have a party. But alas family life is not always a party. I have to go to bed now and try to get some sleep with a rock concert with a mosh pit going on outside my door. I am going to finish my ice cream, put my bowl in the dishwasher (after I rinse it of course), and crawl into bed.

 

Some problems will take time to solve but some can be solved with a good book and ice cream. 🙂

 

“I had always thought that once you grew up you could do anything you wanted – stay up all night or eat ice-cream straight out of the container.”
–Bill Bryson, author