Guest Writer: Who Said I Was An Adult?! I Want Names!

It seems as though everyone and their mother (and grandmother and grandfather and second and third cousins) is writing articles on what it means to be a twenty-something.  As though the decade where you hit many major life rites of passage can be described in a twenty-something list of .gifs, vines and memes.  I have chuckled at and shared many of these articles.  I watch old episodes of Friends and think “I’m just like these people,” searching for the funniest BuzzFeed I can find comparing myself to Chandler (As of course I am a Chandler).  I am practically screaming at the top of my internet lungs that I was born in the 1990s and remember all of these pre-internet things.  While this is all superficial and fun games I can’t help but wonder has the internet age of sharing created the more malicious implication of these posts—the urge to be an “adult?”

Every single time (EVERY. SINGLE. TIME) I get together for drinks/workouts/dinner with a friend the topic of marriage and babies comes up.  The dialogue usually involves something along the lines of “Did you see so-and-so procreate/got married?”  It then quickly turns into either a “they are the last people on earth who should be trusted with another human life,” or a “what-the-actual-explicative is wrong with me?”  It’s as though the constant updates from people who in the past I wouldn’t have given a second thought after graduation has created a form of self-doubt that psychologists will study in the future and mark as the moment humanity collectively lost its mind.  I spend an inordinate amount of time reminding myself that I shouldn’t be jealous that Kathy bought a house, I don’t even know where I want to live yet! (Related: I’m 24 years old—I shouldn’t be buying a house!)

When did everyone come to the decision that they wanted to grow up so fast?  I relate to the characters on Friends and they’re in their late 20s when the show BEGINS.  This means that they are a decade ahead of me in years but I have this unrealistic expectation that I too should be knee-deep in my career and family life.  I shouldn’t.  I am not.  I am not and I shouldn’t be.  I am exactly where I should be in life.  I graduated college and went on to a Master’s program right away.  I acted as a Teaching Assistant and had the weirdest experience of having to be an authority figure to people who were just like I was 3 months prior.  I thought back to my experience with Teaching Assistants my freshman year of college at the University of Nebraska before I transferred to a university where all my professors had their doctorate in what they taught (Thanks for being worth my money, Mary Washington!).  The TAs always were either ridiculously hard or so laid back and awesome.  Which one they were differed based upon whether they saw themselves as an “adult” or not.

I didn’t understand it at the time, but it was either acceptance of the weirdness of their situation or overcompensation. The hard TAs were basically saying, “I feel insecure in my position of authority over you so I’m going to ruin your life,” or I imagine that was what it was anyway.  I spent so much time trying to be “professional” that I think I was actually unavailable to the students—which is the exact opposite of what an educator should do.  Then I became a tutor for the athletic department and in my first semester was so formal in my correspondence that I ended up having a lot of students stand me up (which isn’t as bad as it sounds because I still got paid!).  The second semester I realized that if I texted them instead of emailed them they might actually show up, listen to me and learn, because guess what—just like me they were twenty-something’s who are attached to their phone like it’s a good luck charm.  Once I stopped trying to be an “adult,” I actually was able to do my job.

This isn’t to say that I didn’t make mistakes along the way, because I did.  There’s a great story about one of the students I tutored giving me his post-game Gatorade because I ran into him after I had personally drank a gallon of alcohol.  All this means is that I shouldn’t have tried so hard to fit into this definition of what it means to be an “adult.”  I don’t know what an adult is, honestly.  But if it means having a home-loan and babies and husbands at the young age of 24 then I never want to grow up.  I barely know who I am.  I eat candy for breakfast sometimes.  I stay up until 3 A.M. for no reason.  These are not things that adults do but they are things that I am supposed to be doing.  I work a crappy job for crappy pay and have not yet reached my goal of becoming a Men’s College Basketball coach and that is entirely okay.  If being married and having kids is what you want to be doing at 24, then do it.  If it’s not, just remember Chandler and Monica were in their 30s before they got married and half of marriages end in divorce.

Sara is a currently working a crappy job for crappy pay in Virginia. Some of my fondest memories are hanging out with her during our college years. When she does decide to become an adult the world better watch out cause she is going to take it by storm.

Guest Writer: Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You

After hearing the recent news about Robin Williams (who will forever remain in my heart as Peter Pan, Alan Parrish, Genie, Mrs. Doubtfire, and even Batty Koda) I thought about writing about mortality, or loss of innocence, but I figured that would be a horrible way to remember a man whom I never met, but was a large part of my life through his movies.

So instead I want to talk about chances. As an actor I deal with chances in my daily life, a chance to audition, a chance to meet someone important, or just a chance to sing a song for karaoke. Each chance I treat as an opportunity, but like many of you I hear, “No,” a lot. However, you can’t just stop because one person says no to you. I had a professor tell me once that you have to hear at least 20 no’s in order to hear one yes, making you appreciate that yes all the more. As an actor that’s just a way of life.If you look at each no as a rejection, the acting profession may not be for you. You will quickly learn no one in the acting industry is there to stroke your ego but yourself and maybe your mother.

If every job field looked at life like this, then think of all the positive energy that would generate! That no just means you’re one step closer to that yes! I know that sounds super corny, but try to focus on the fact that, “Hey they asked me for an interview, and while I’m not quite right for this job, that just means that I am now free to find one that I am right for!”

Not every interview or work proposal will be a yes, but they won’t all be no’s either. If you give up just because a few people said no, then I feel sorry for you. You’re just let someone else get to that yes before you.

You have to fight, because you are your strongest advocate and because no one else is going to. Sure there are your friends and family as a support net, but they aren’t the ones going to the interviews. I have told my friends my actor analogy a hundred times. Erica is probably going to roll her eyes when she reads this because I tell her this all the time.* The analogy goes like this; if you are confident that things will work out they usually do, but if things don’t, realize that now you have a shorter wait for that yes to come along.

I had to learn this the hard way in college. I didn’t like rejection. I took each criticism like they were personally offending me. This lead to me try out for less stuff because I figured how and why would they ever want to use me. Then I took a class with two professors with very different teaching styles. One was very encouraging, the other incredibly tough. Just so you can get a sense of what this “toughness” was like, she had a reputation for telling people they didn’t belong in the theater department. I was sure that during the final meeting with the teachers, she would tell me that. Instead I was met with praise. I was told I was wonderful to work with. The praise showed that I had grown as a person as well as an actor, and that I truly belonged there. I started to audition again and got into my first main stage production. Sometimes you have to be dragged through hell in order to believe in yourself, but once you do there is no turning back. Do not be afraid to ask for help. You never have to feel weak to need someone to give you a little reminder now and again that you are fantastic and that someone will want to work with you in whatever capacity. You just have to be patient and while I acknowledge that waiting sucks, but it will be so worth it.

 

Veronica is a stage and screen actress living in Northern Virginia with her parents and a ball of fur (aka a dog) named Louie. I fully expect her to take me to the Academy Awards someday.

*Editor’s Note: Erica did not roll her eyes. She sort of snorted and chuckled.

 

 

Managing Expectations

Managing expectations is something that I have become intimately acquainted with. While I am definitely sure that I was better off than many other college students I was irritated when I did not get a full-time job until almost a year after I left college. I mean, I was a catch! I was intelligent, savvy, and willing learn. I mean, what were people waiting for!?!

After leaving college, I couldn’t wait to start working. Getting up, getting dress, commuting, doing a full days work, and coming home. It all sounded so…grown up. And that’s what I wanted to be, a grown up. I have since rethought that but that’s another post for another time. When I first stated job searching I did not hear back at all. So my high self-esteem dipped a bit but I was determined so I kept trying. Then I started getting some interviews and with them my self-esteem rose a little higher. However, that was short-lived because no one was calling me back after the interviews . A phone interview followed by an in person interview, and then….silence. I mean most of them didn’t even have the courtesy to email me. Just radio silence. For awhile I thought it might be me, then after a long time I was convinced it was me. I took a break from job apply to have my surgery (I know you have no idea what I am talking about. Don’t worry I will get to it soon.) Then I finally did it….well sort of did it. I got a full-time job with a great organization called The Atlas Project as a research fellow. While it wasn’t a full-time staff job it was a job. It was around this time that I started to realize that I was not going to get a call from every job I applied to, no matter how perfect I thought I was for it. So I started to not get excited about anything. I would go to a job interview, think I did a great job ( I have become a zen master in the art of the interview), and left thinking “I so got this job.” Some went so well I would half expecting them, to call me an hour later and tell me how perfect I was. Rejection after rejection has changed my attitude toward the whole process. I now apply to jobs and almost immediately forget about them because 8/10 applications will get no response. OK maybe that’s a little high but you get my point. I have convinced myself that the perfect job does not exist. That I will get stuck doing something I can tolerate instead of something I actually like. Forget about loving my job, cause that ain’t never gonna happen.

Then it happened. My negative attitude toward job hunting took a turn yesterday after I had a job interview that may have actually landed me that illusive perfect job. I mean, could it really happen? Could I really finally have not only landed a full staff job but the perfect job as well? I told a few people but then I started second guessing myself. I mean, maybe it was all in my head and that would suck cause it really is exactly what I want to do. I could use my degree and learn about campaign finance and fundraising. It would be perfect but experience has shown my that when I think that it could happen it usually doesn’t. I have been told many times to put positive energy out and positive energy will come back to you but that is infinitely hard than it sounds. Life has a way of beating the optimism out of you.  So to limit the hurt that I get when a rejection comes in I have learned to…manage expectations.

Raising My Hand

I have been away from the University of Mary Washington for  a year now. I have been finished with college for almost 9 months now. However, as a summer graduate I have yet to make the symbolic walk across the stage to shake hands with the college president and officially finish college. A three-hour ceremony and my world changes.

As the day gets closer and closer I have started reflecting on the past, present, and future:

1) Playing through the growing pains

I recently started a new job and it’s my first real professional job. While I do enjoy my job I can say that there are definitely some growing pains that I have experienced before, way back when I made the jump from high school to college. While going from high school to college and college to working are in act quite different the feelings I am experiencing are fascinatingly and frustratingly the same. However, as my infinitely smarter parents pointed out, that this is a part of getting into the work force and that as I learn and grow into this new state of being it will hurt less and less. When I stated college I made a conscious effort to see the good things about what I didn’t and try to it focus on the bad.

2) 110%

One of the very few regrets I have from college is that I wish I had worked harder in college. That’s not to say I slacked off but there were times when I could started that essay a week sooner, given that extra 10%. I have thought about going back to school to learn new specific skills or to even earn a masters but I have concluded that if I was to do this I need to be in 110%. Do or do not, not try.

3) So Far, So Good

There are so many things that I did learn while at UMW and so many things that I know. I have found myself this past couple of weeks trying to remind myself of that. While I still have a long way to go I have come so far already.

4) Answer/Asking

 

Learning to raise my hand not just to answer questions but to ask them. This is a lesson that I learned while in college and one that I have started to prefect while in the work place. I have learned that there is always someone who knows the answer and more often than not they are willing to tell you.

5) Being Proud of my accomplishments

I have a college degree. I got accepted into 8 of the 10 colleges I applied to. I made long-lasting friendships. I choose a college that was perfect for me. I mark those in the win column.

I am proud of myself for graduating high school. I am proud of myself for making it through college. Life after college has thrown me some curve balls but sooner or later I will hit a home run. I remember the past, I am enjoying the present, and learning to not fear the future.

Rule 76

“”It’s not who you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you’re not.” Denis E. Waitley

Denis Waitley was born in 1933 and is an American motivational speaker and writer, consultant and best-selling author. This is a quote by him that happened to catch my eye while I was browsing my Twitter Feed. It had been tweeted by @CoachKWisdom. I have always loved Coach K, not just because I am a HUGE college basketball fan but because he always seemed to strive to help his players become the best versions of themselves that they could be. It’s a mindset. It is what makes a basketball player say, with pride, I played for Coach K.

            While Coach K did not say these exact words I think that it is an important mindset to have, especially if you want to be a national champion. Now having talent, good coaching, great defense, and dependable teammates always helps when striving for a national title but as any athlete will tell you your mindset and believing that you can get it done is a huge part of their game. I believe that this can be applied to other places as well.

            I have started applying for jobs and I have to say it is a tedious, painful, and ego deflating process. Getting rejected from a job, or even worse not even getting a call  hurts. After awhile you can start believing that it may never happens and so you start aiming lower. Now aiming lower can be a stepping stone to bigger and better places but sometime the bar is so low it is hard to look at. It is easy to start thinking “I am not this or that and that you cannot achieve this so you have to aim for something that you think will be eaiser to achieve.

         I guess what I am trying to say is, it may take a while to convince yourself that you can do it but you can. Internships have been my way of seeing if I can survive in the work environment and I have surprised myself with how far I can go when I am asked to reach. I have a friend, who when I complain in any way always responds with a rule from the movie Wedding Crashers.  Rule 76 says “No excuses. Play like a Champion.” I may not be a champion yet, but dang it I am going to start thinking like one.

“It’s not who you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you’re not.” Denis E. Waitley

Frustrated….

So it seems that I have finally met my match. I have met a project tha tI could not solve.

Ok, so ‘not solve’ does not seem like the right set of words cause I have all the information. Actually that was the easy part. It is the presentation that is getting me stumped. I am not coming up with a clear way to present the information and it is so FRUSTRATING! I have had problems at work before but I think this is one project where I will not be able to do what my boss wants. And the funny thing is that my colleagues are also stumped. It is not just me.

I never met a project I couldn’t do, an assignment that I couldn’t master, a piece of work that I couldn’t solve. I may not know how to solve it but I do know one thing for sure…I do not like it. I do not like it one bit. I do not like it, Sam I am.

*Dr Seuss humor free of charge. 🙂

Internship for Summer 2013: National Rural Electric Cooperative Association

So another summer, another internship except this is not just another internship. This is THE internship. It’s with an established company, it pays, it is in the field of work that I want to work in. It’s the holy grail of internships because it is the peak…to bad that it ends in about 8 weeks. Mind you I just started today so not much has happened yet but it will definitely pick up. It has too. I have not waited this long to not do my best in my chosen field. I actually will get to use what I learned in college. I mean this could be the internship…or it could also show that I am not ready for this. It is time for me to start looking beyond the walls of academia. Time to look at what I have waited for: adulthood.

No, I cannot even think about that because as I have gotten older have I gotten a glimpse of what it means to be an adult. It is scary and not ok. Mortgages, taxes, insurance, buying food, preparing food, buying gas. As much as I would like to move out of my parents house I know that I just do not have to life skills or means to do that just yet. I will get there but the first stop on this train to independence is a job and this internship could be the stepping stone to what could be amazing opportunities.

This is the first internship where once it ends I won’t be heading back to school. UMW and I have parted ways and I am scared that I might not be able to achieve what I want to. I want to work. I want to learn what it takes. I see the bar and I intend to not just clear it but leave plenty of room to spare.

Internship for Summer 2012: Linden Resources

So I know I should have gotten to this sooner but I got busy and well we all know how that goes.

This blog is called “Erica Is An Intern” so it only seem logical that I tell you about my internship this summer at Linden Resources. Linden works to help people and veterans with disabilities gain game full employment. It is an amazing organization. I work in the Development and Communications department. My official title is communications, marketing, and social media intern. This 8-week job is the reason I have had no time to write on my blog. My boss gives me more work everyday and with 3 weeks left I do not know if I will get it all done. This job is also the best I have ever had. I have told many people in my life if I could do this for  the rest of my life, I would get angry to not have gotten a promotion, but I also would have done what I wanted to do. I love it here. Creating year-long marketing materials, creating e-newsletters and content, promoting Linden’s for-profit businesses, and managing Linden’s social media has been a dream come true. Foster Care Alumni of America was an amazing experience (click the link to read my post about last summer). However, there were times when I was sitting around not doing anything. One of my favorite sayings about work and one that I believe applies to me perfectly is “Idle hands are the devil’s playthings.” I am the kind of person who enjoys having a lot of things on my plate because it keeps me busy. When one thing overwhelms I can always switch gears and work on something else. I did say before that my boss was giving me a lot to get done but the amount of work is not the problem, it’s that I only have 8 weeks at this job, and while that may seem like a lot when I started, I now know that it is very short.

I am enjoying this internship more than any I have had before and I have had internships ever summer since the summer of 2009. In the fall I will be heading back to school but I will have taken a lot of great experience back with me. I never thought that I would find what I wanted to do with my life but I am so glad that I was wrong.

First Day and its only Noon

This is a picture of a Linden Tree, which was the inspiration for the name of the organization I am interning at.

So it is about noon on the first day of my internship at Linden Resources, Inc. Today did not start out the way I wanted. First, even though I left my house at around 8:10, it took me an entire hour to get to work meaning yes, sadly, I was a little late. Thank goodness my boss did not get mad at me. It will never happen again and I will be sure to make sure to leave by, at the latest 8. Embarrassing is what I felt while I was pulling into the parking lot.

The building I am in, I have found out, use to be an elementary school which is cool. The people here all seem nice. The woman from HR that gave me my new employee orientation was nice. She showed me all over and introduced me to many of the other employees. At this point my day is looking better.

My boss just handed me a list of things I will be working on this summer. DEAR LORD!! There are about 10 things on here all with multiple parts and she informed me as she was handing to me, that from the time she got it from the printer to when she arrived in my cubicle there were at least 3 more things that she had forgotten to put on there. I am going to be so busy!! And the best part is, every single one of the things on this list is something I will be so interested in doing. Creating e-newsletters, creating another Facebook page, connecting with local governmental agencies, creating press lists, making the lobby more guest friendly, I am on Cloud 9!

I am meeting with my boss in about an hour to discuss the things on this list, which I cannot wait to get started on. 8 weeks to go…

Late Night: Working

At the moment I have two jobs: my internship and another at an entertainment venue in their box office. The first is a LOT of work while the second is never enough work. I love getting money and being able to pay my bills and go out to a movie once and awhile but I do not enjoy having nothing to do. I am the kind of person that needs to constantly have things to do otherwise I get lazy and bored. Bored me is not very productive but I am working on adding things to the assignments that I get so that I can go above and beyond instead of doing just what is asked of me. This last week at my internship I finished two HUGE projects and went above and beyond in both of them. My boss was very happy with the results. On Friday I got another assignment that I will be starting on Monday which looks challenging and enough work to last me until my internship is up (2 weeks, I am sad). Sometime work is something that you have to grin and bare but sometimes it can yield wonderful results. Work hard. Play hard.